Cougar Page 4

  Cam was the star pitcher for our home team, the LA Heat, up until last season when he became a free agent and signed with the Tampa Bay Thunder and moved back to Heritage Bay. Liam wasn’t too happy that his best friend had ditched him and their team; however, I’ll bet every dollar I have that when Liam becomes a free agent, he’ll find a way back to his friend.

  Cam moves to stand beside me and we both stare off in the distance as the moonlight replaces the sun, the ocean sparkling like a sea of diamonds.

  “Marcus took care of everything. No stone left unturned. No loose end left untied.”

  “I know,” he admits. “I saw the house. We’re gonna be neighbors again.” I turn to look at him and he smirks.

  “My parents are supposed to take Jay home to Heritage Bay tomorrow,” I tell him. “But I don’t think she’ll want to go.”

  “Why don’t you just ask her?”

  “Because I don’t want her to go. I don’t think Marcus realized how hard packing up and leaving would be for us. Especially for Jay. All those hours spent in grief counseling went right out the window the moment he took his last breath. He thought he had everything under control, but you can’t control the unexpected. You can’t control someone’s reactions or feelings.” I throw my hands up. “I know everyone wants what’s best for Jay and me, but what about what we want? What about what I want?”

  “What do you want, Em?”

  “To breathe.” I shove my hands into my hair and inhale deeply through my nose. “For the past two years, I’ve felt like I’m being suffocated. I feel like I’m drowning.” I turn to Cam, dropping my hands to my sides. “I can’t breathe. This grief… this pain”—I rub at the ache in my chest—“it feels like there’s a weight tied to my ankles, keeping me just below the surface, and the more I struggle, the further I sink.” Tears pool in my eyes. “I just want to breathe,” I whisper. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

  Cam turns and wraps his arms around me, pulling my head to his chest and dropping a kiss to the top of my hair. “Breathe, Em.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and inhale his scent, a mixture of soap, clean laundry, and familiarity.

  My favorite place had always been wrapped in Marcus’s arms, my head resting on his chest as I breathed in the smell of his body wash mixed with his masculine scent. The rise and fall of his chest combined with the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat would lull me into a peaceful sleep.

  Cam sighs. “I know you’re probably sick of hearing this, but I really am sorry. I miss him, too.”

  A fresh wave of tears slides down my cheeks as I pull from Cam’s hold, taking his hands in mine and lifting my gaze to meet his. “Thank you, Cam,” I say softly.

  He leans forward, pressing a kiss to my forehead before pulling away to look back down at me. A small smile pulls up on one side of his mouth as something meaningful passes between us. It’s not romantic or sexual; it’s comforting, familiar.

  Releasing his hands, I take a step back, and before the salty air between us can turn awkward, a throat clears. We both turn to see Bass standing a few feet away, his hands shoved in his pockets, watching us skeptically.

  How long has he been standing there?

  “You okay?” he asks. There’s a hint of curiosity in his tone.

  “Yeah,” I say, flicking my gaze back to Cam. “I just needed a minute to breathe.”

  Emerson

  “What was that back there?” Bass asks, curling his big muscular arm around my shoulders as we make our way back up to the house.

  I know what it must’ve looked like to an outsider, but it was Cam. I bump my hip against Bass’s thigh. “That was me venting and Cam being a friend.”

  Bass nods once, tugging me to closer to his side. “Okay.”

  Bass is my best friend and confidant, whom I met my sophomore year of college. He was on crutches recovering from a football injury that had pretty much ruined his chances of ever playing again. He was angry, bitter, and mostly hurt that his teammates had turned their backs on him. Maybe it was the hurt and betrayal from the people we thought were our friends that drew us together. We were an odd pair, but like attracts like. He’s been the best friend I’ve ever had, and one of the few people Marcus trusted wholeheartedly with his family. And then he became part of our family when Marcus hired him as our personal security guard. He lives in our home and he goes wherever we go. Wherever Jayla goes.

  “I’m scared, B,” I admit. “I’m a widow. And Jayla….” I suck in a shaky breath.

  “I know,” he breathes, tightening his arm around me.

  As we reach the back of my house, Bass turns to me. “Emerson”—he never calls me Emerson. It’s either Em or woman, when he’s irritated or trying to be funny—“you know I’m not going anywhere, right? I’m here for you and for however long my princess needs me.”

  From the moment Jayla came into this world, she’s always been his princess. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him call her by her real name.

  Sometimes I feel guilty for being so selfish with his friendship and loyalty. I’ve made half-ass attempts at encouraging him to have a life of his own, to find a woman to love and start a family with, but in this business, in Bass’s line of work, it’s not easy to meet a woman who isn’t connected to the music business, whether she’s an assistant or a groupie. Either way, maintaining a relationship is hard. I know firsthand. And truthfully, had he taken my advice, I would’ve been lost without him.

  “Thanks, B.”

  The sliding door opens and Jessica, my sister-in-law, walks out. “Hey, Em,” she says, giving a cautious wave as if I’m some kind of cornered animal.

  “I’ll be inside if you need me,” Bass chuckles before pressing a kiss to my temple and heading inside.

  Jessica Mackenzie is a sweet little lamb who married into a family of lions. Max had more than his fair share of girlfriends in high school and college, but the moment Jessica stepped through our front door—beautiful, blonde, bright blue eyes, tall and lithe, her hand clasped in Max’s—I knew she was the one. I also knew she was on the college swim team because Max talked about her nonstop. He was in love with her. We all were.

  A year later, they were married and shortly after, Jessica became pregnant with their first child, Dylan. It was the only birth I was present for. Max and Jessica went on to have two more boys, Cole and Aiden.

  Though our family is close, I’ve missed out on seeing my nephews grow up. It’s one of the few things in my life that I regret.

  Jessica sits on the outdoor sofa, propping her feet up on the coffee table, and pats the space beside her. “Sit down, Emerson. Believe it or not, I’m on your side.”

  I do believe it. She’s always been on my side. Max is a pain in my ass, and back to taking his big brother role too seriously. Not only is he overprotective but he’s bossy. I don’t like being told what to do, never have, but it seems Max has forgotten. Don’t get me wrong. I love my brother, and I would be the first one in line if he needed a kidney, but we’re too much alike, and many times Marcus and Jessica have had to play referee.

  “I’m sorry, Emerson, but I think it’s bullshit. I mean no disrespect to Marcus, but what was he thinking? You’re all she has left, and sending her to Heritage will devastate her. She needs you.”

  “Thank you,” I sigh. “I needed to hear that.”

  “We’re all heading back tomorrow, but if you need me to stay, I will.”

  I shake my head. “We’ll be fine. Bass and Grace are here.”

  Jessica nods. “So what’s your plan?”

  I blow out a breath. “To be honest, I think after you guys leave, I just want to be alone for a little while.” Being alone is something I’ll need to get used to. “It’s been a little chaotic since Marcus died.” Mostly in my head.

  Jessica nods again, eyeing me.

  “What if I fail as a single parent?” I ask.

  “You won’t.” She turns her body to face me, tucking one leg under the other, and exha
les a deep sigh. “The day we got the call about Willow, my entire world crumbled in a matter of seconds. One moment I’m standing in my kitchen having a conversation with my boys, and the next I’m on the floor holding Cole and hysterically crying. I’ll never be able to erase the memory of Cole’s pale and frightened expression for as long as I live.” She shakes her head, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’d never felt fear like that before.” I reach over to squeeze her hand.

  I’ll never forget the phone call I got that day either. Just a few months after my nephew Cole celebrated his sixteenth birthday, he became a father. Willow Jade Mackenzie was born into a chaotic world and a crazy family who loved her instantly. Her story was tragic before she even took her first breath.

  I swore I’d never go back to my hometown, but my family needed me. So a few days later, Marcus, Bass, and I flew to Heritage Bay, leaving Jay in the care of Grace, Liam, and Cam. Marcus was reluctant to leave her with two bachelor playboys but she couldn’t come with us so he didn’t have a choice.

  According to Cole, he’d met the girl at a college party and hadn’t seen her again until he bumped into her at his doctor’s office where she worked. He didn’t recognize her but she recognized him. A few days later, she showed up at the house, introduced herself and told him the baby she was carrying was his.

  Instead of immediately going to Max and Jessica, as he should’ve, Cole kept it a secret for weeks. Then he received a call from the hospital notifying him that Willow’s mother had died in a car accident and Willow was in the NICU.

  At the hospital, Max, Jessica, and Cole learned that Willow’s mother was a twenty-year-old college student working to pay her way through school while caring for her younger sister and only living family member. Because her sister was a minor, her information remained confidential.

  “I’d wondered where Max and I had gone wrong with Cole,” Jessica continues. “We’ve always allowed our boys to express themselves freely, as long as they were honest and respectful. I thought maybe that was the problem. We weren’t strict enough. But when Cole stepped up and took responsibility for his little girl, I knew Max and I hadn’t failed as parents. The situation was unfortunate, but we wouldn’t change a thing.” Unfortunate and sad.

  “This little girl is your miracle. She could’ve died with her mother, and you would’ve never had the chance to know her. But she’s here. She’s a precious gift, Cole.” Marcus leaned down and pressed a kiss to Willow’s forehead. “We’ll help you along the way, as long as you promise to give her what she needs.”

  “I’ll do my best.” Cole blew out a breath in frustration. “Can I ask for a favor?”

  “Whatever you need.”

  “Don’t tell Jay. I want to be the one to tell her, when I’m ready.”

  To this day, Cole still hasn’t told Jay the truth. Instead, Jay, like everyone else outside our family, believes Willow is adopted. Max and Jessica had offered to adopt Willow, but Cole refused. He was devastated and scared, but he’s also a Mackenzie, stubborn and eager to prove himself.

  And he has.

  “Despite your brother’s unwarranted opinions of your parenting choices, you’ve done an amazing job with Jay. And when you come back to Heritage, we’ll be there to help you with whatever you need. Cole is excited for Jay to be closer. I know Willow will be, too.”

  Willow has been glued to Jay’s side since the day of the funeral, watching Disney movie marathons. Little ones are extremely intuitive to our emotions. Willow knows she’s sad, and I think in her own way, she’s taking care of Jay.

  As my family says their goodbyes, Max kindly asks me to reconsider sending Jay home with them. I kindly decline.

  Alex stands at the door while the rest are loading their luggage into Bass’s SUV. “I think I should stay,” he suggests. His worried gaze drifts toward the stairs.

  “You’ve missed enough school as it is. You need to stay on schedule so you can graduate this summer.”

  Alex is currently living in Heritage Bay, finishing his degree in music education while co-managing Mac’s with Dylan. Mac’s, short for Mackenzie and the nickname my father goes by, is owned by Max. Apparently the restaurant does very well.

  Alex nods, but the worry is still etched on his face.

  “She has a call scheduled with Dr. Ramos later today,” I tell him.

  “Okay.” He nods again. “Do you think she’d mind if I called her?”

  I frown. “Of course not. Jay adores you, Alex.” I lean in and whisper, “She may not know the truth, but you’re still family to her.”

  After saying goodbye to Alex and my family one last time, I make my way up to Jay’s room and find her sleeping. Tiptoeing to the bed, I climb in beside her, careful not to wake her, and close my eyes.

  Emerson

  The California sun beams through the floor-to-ceiling windows of my bedroom. I hadn’t bothered to draw the blackout curtains before I crawled into bed yesterday. Or was it the day before? I don’t even know what day it is anymore. I’ve only managed to get out of bed the last few days to pee and to check on Jay.

  She hasn’t left her bed, much less her room. But that’s going to change as of today.

  For the last two years, I’ve been functioning on autopilot and have become a shell of the woman I once was. Hollow. Lost. Numb. Weak. Scared. Soulless. I hardly remember the woman I used to be, but I know she’s still somewhere deep inside, willing herself to fight her way back to the surface. I’ve decided that today is the day I’m going to find that woman and bring her back, a better version for myself and for Jay.

  My phone buzzes on the nightstand beside my bed. My arm feels heavy as I reach over and pick it up to see Liam’s face on the screen. I also notice it’s 1:30 p.m. Christ. I hit the Answer button and clear my throat as I bring the phone to my ear.

  “Hello.”

  “Were you sleeping?” he scoffs.

  “No,” I lie.

  “Bullshit.” He laughs. “It’s okay, Em. I’m not judging you. You’ve been through hell, and you deserve to rest.” It’s true. I just wish it were that easy.

  “Yeah,” I breathe. “Don’t you have a game today?” Liam is in Arizona for spring training.

  “Tonight,” he informs me. “I wanted to check on you and my baby, first. I tried calling her but she didn’t pick up.”

  A laugh bubbles from my mouth. “She hates when you call her that, Liam.” Although I think it’s sweet because it’s proof that my baby brother is capable of caring about someone other than himself.

  Liam’s favorite person, besides himself, is Jay. Liam was only ten when Jay was born, and he was completely fascinated with her. She quickly became his favorite person, probably because she was the first girl born into a family full of boys. He called her his baby until she hit puberty and declared she wasn’t anyone’s baby. I think it hurt his feelings a little bit, but he’s the most stubborn of us all, so he still calls her his baby behind her back.

  After spending almost thirty minutes on the phone, convincing Liam that I’m fine and promising to have Jay call, we hang up. I pop into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, then go to Jay’s room to check on her before I head down to the kitchen where I find our housekeeper, Grace, staring out the window.

  “Hey, Grace.” I place my hand on her back and lean my head to the side. “You doing okay?”

  She gives me a sad smile and a slight shake of her head.

  I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her shoulder. “I miss him, too, Grace,” I sigh. “So much.”

  Losing Marcus has been really hard on her. Until I came into the picture, Marcus was all the family she had. Our first night together over dinner, Marcus explained that Grace had lived in the apartment across the hall from him and his bandmates before Royal Mayhem had gotten their record deal. Grace had just moved to the States with her husband before he was robbed and killed on his way home from work. Marcus and the guys looked after her. And when they got their first record deal, he
hired her. She’d been working for Marcus for several years before he brought me home, and she’s certainly lived up to her name.

  One thing I do know for sure, I’m not leaving California without her.

  “Hey, Em,” Lucas greets me as he walks into the kitchen and leans on his forearms over the island countertop. He scans me from head to toe, taking in my robe and messy bed hair piled on top of my head. His face twists in confusion. “Did you just get up?” He pulls his phone from his front pocket. “It’s two o’clock. You never sleep this late.”

  “I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.” I bring the mug to my lips.

  He furrows his brows. “Are you doing okay?”

  I place the mug on the counter beside me and make my way over to Lucas. “Come here.” Even though he towers over me, he immediately steps into my open arms and I wrap him in a hug. “I’m okay, sweetie. I’m just trying to adjust to life without Marcus.” I pull back to look up at him. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” he replies dryly as he pulls away. Lucas has his own way of dealing with his emotions. He’s never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve. I’d say he gets it from his father since I don’t think his mother had a heart. Lucas Wild is Andrew’s son, and I guess you could say he’s mine, too, since I helped raise him.

  I’d only met Lucas’s mother, Molly, a few times when Andrew invited her to their local shows. Marcus and I had been married for less than a year, and I was still getting used to life as a rock star’s wife. I didn’t know the extent of Drew and Molly’s relationship other than she was a groupie he liked to screw and Drew was her favorite shiny rock star.